Horribly Chaotic, and Terribly Destructive | SPN 11x1

It's so incredibly dark, and in the dark, her voice comes to him.

We're bound, Dean. We will always be bound.

And he feels it, in his deepest of hearts, the parts of him he hid so desperately from the daylight, he knows, he knows.

A part of me

The worst part is that is doesn't feel wrong. It feels right, somehow, her presence, that focus, the way she smiles in wonder as she realizes that she's finally free, they set her free.

bound

But he can never stay in the eye of the storm for long, that fantastic calm and sense of freedom as though he is the one who has been freed - the dream changes, maybe it's because her words provoke a different entity, a different lifetime, another rescue [bound, bound, profound bond, talking about marks, thinking about the Mark - ] and he's back into that other place again, the lock on his arm that holds her going crazy with anger, with bloodlust, she's going crazy behind that locked door like an inmate of an asylum, like the woman from Jane Eyre. Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!

Only, he can't, and all he can do is absorb her anger in himself, and there's no-one else to direct it at than the one who betrayed him, the one who lied, the one who

Out! Out! Let me out!

and all he can do is see red, en then his face is red with tears of blood all over, and it's wrong, it's wrong, it's not supposed to be like this, he's supposed to heal -

Outoutoutoutout

and he can barely stop himself, barely, barely, stabs the blade into a stack of books, says

angerfuryhatehatehate

says: next time I won't miss, and

deathbloodkill they got her killed she's dead because of them let me out hatehatehate

and walks away. He walks away without looking back and he knows he'll regret this, possibly forever, but he can't think right now he can't - -


Then she's gone and he's alone with his thoughts again and Cas' bloody face is haunting him in his dreams and


-- No. Please no.

And finally, mercifully, Dean wakes up.