7.3

      “Cass, it’s me. Sergei. Could you let me in?” A hesitation. “Please?”
      Cass rapidly turned her head to check the window, but there was no enforcer there. Thank god. Wiping the tears from her face, stifling the sniffs, she opened the door and saw Sergei, with a look on his face she hadn’t seen before.
      “Oh god, so it was you. Oh dear, come here.” Without awaiting if he was allowed to enter, he stepped in, slammed the door shut and pulled her into a hug tightly. “I heard someone crying in the hallway and that’s a very unusual thing to hear. I had guessed it was you, since you had just left my room and you were probably on your way back. Are you okay? Did something happen? Did someone hurt you? Was it Dev from room 1518 ? He’s suspicious, he tried to befriend Liyeva in a very weird way so I wouldn’t be surprised if he was actually out of his mind and attacked girls or something. I am rambling on, please talk to me.”
      Cass opened her mouth to respond, but she felt the lump in her throat blocking her from speaking unless she started to cry again. So cry she did.
      “I–I just feel horrible. You guys a–are amazing people and I j–just now realised that. I wish I could make all of you happy,” she wept, her breathing and voice shaky.
      “You are such a precious person, no wonder Travis reeled you into our group. Come now, dry your tears.” He wiped a few from her face with his fingers, but when he realised it didn’t work he just used his sleeve to dry her cheeks.
      “I love you guys,” Cass cried, burying her face into Sergei’s chest.
      “We just met each other, how can you be so sure already?”
      “It just feels r–right.” She pulled her face away, wiping her face clean. The tears weren’t gone yet, but they weren’t streaming down her face anymore now. “I can’t explain. It feels like it was meant to be like this. I realised how badly I want you all to lead a good life and live in prosperity and health and in a beautiful place like Conqueron when I looked at that fucking fake tree in the plaza.”
      Sergei looked at her confused, but he smiled nonetheless.
      “Travis was right about you being a special case.”
      “Thanks, I guess? Why did you come to check on me? You’re the last one of that group I would’ve expected to come here and just barge in to comfort me.”
      “Because I’m not a horrible person, but don’t think a soft personality will get you anywhere in Underconqueron over all,” he sighed. “Liyeva told you the first time we met that I care. I do. I care about every person in the group. I hate newcomers, because I don’t trust anyone. It wouldn’t be the first time a new tenant in the bunker joined our group and tried to kill someone because they thought it would grant them a spot in the Rite. But you seem okay. I care for you now. Don’t expect me to go easy on you every time though. However, I will be here for you when you need someone to talk to.”
      “I’d like to talk to someone right now then,” Cass said, trying to give a weak smile. She imagined it looked mostly pathetic though.
      “Let’s talk then. Do you want to sit on the floor, on the bed, on a chair? What do you prefer?”
      “We should sit on the bed, that’s comfortable.”
      “Have a seat, girl.” Sergei waited for her to take a spot on the bed and draped the blanket around her for comfort. Then, he sat down himself and looked directly at her, eyes twinkling with anticipation. So Cass took a deep breath and started telling him everything she had just thought about and realised. About her childhood being awful – probably just as awful as his, but he didn’t interrupt to tell her that – and about all the tests she had to go through as a kid. About Arah, who was her small ray of sunshine – or maybe an actual orb of sunshine – in this godforsaken container. About her meeting the new group and that she had never felt desire before until now, and that it was the desire for them all to lead a good life.
      Sergei just listened carefully. He never disrupted her train of thought, not even when she was looking for words to explain a feeling or emotion with. He was there, the rock in the roaring storm at sea that she could hold onto for now. When she was done, she was drained. Her eyelids heavy, almost falling asleep from crying that much and so uncontrollably. Sergei just smiled at her and gave her a comforting hug. The evening mass had happened somewhere in the mean time as well and the lights were dimming already.
      “Time to lay your head down, Cass. You’ve had a rough day.” Sergei motioned her to lay down, so he could properly put a blanket over her.
      “Do you do this for every person in our group?” She yawned as she put her head on the pillow.
      “I’ve done this for a few before. Everyone in our group is miserable, like you already knew. We’ll get through this together though. Don’t beat yourself up over not being able to help us, there’s no one who can actually help us except for Lady Luck at Ascension Rites. I’m glad you feel this strongly about us already.” He smiled at her. “Just don’t misplace your trust in the future. Not everyone is as good as we are and instead might abuse your trust. Good night, Cass.” He put the blanket over her exhausted body and tapped it down lightly, making sure it was nice and tightly cocooned around her.
      “Good night,” said Cass quietly as Sergei left through the door, the Underconqueron darkness settling in through her window. A click told her the door had fallen into the lock and that Sergei was on his way back. She could hear him quickly conversing in the hallway with someone – Liyeva perhaps? – but he was too far away or talking too softly, or both, for her to actually catch any words for context.
      Her mind started to drift off, analysing everything that had just happened and every emotion and thought that had gone through her head the past couple of hours. Was telling Sergei about her weird feelings – of which she still was unsure if they were real and not just her socially deprived mind playing tricks on her – the best option? Shouldn’t she have waited a bit longer to see if she actually cared for those people and not just for the happy hormone release when she was with them? Were her feelings legit and was she allowed to feel them in this world?
      Had this been the right thing to do? Because she sure as hell wasn’t entirely certain about whether it had been the smartest thing to do, but could it have been the right thing?