Is it wrong, if we were to think of hurting someone back so that they'd know how much of pain they've caused us? Is it stupid, if we chose to sit by and do nothing when someone bludgeons you virtually for no apparent reason? Is it weak, to give in to emotions and tear up at the thought of such incidents? Is it crazy, when you get so mad at yourself because the only thing that got in the way of you dealing with such issues were yourself and your beliefs? Is it wise, to ever trust again? Is it fair, to have lost it all and even yourself?
When someone hurts you, especially someone you truly care about, sometimes, there's no way to snap out of it than to let yourself cry, digest the issue, deal with the nausea and step out of the rubble on your own. Picking yourself up on your own isn't easy, but when the time comes, you have to do it. And when you do, you'd feel a sense of relieve, like some heavy feeling upon your heart has been lifted and you've been given a new breath to life.
What happens if you face similar situations, but with completely different people? Is it then safe to say that being a loner is the way to go? Is it better if you severe all contact with your family and friends, you were less probable to suffer any disappointment or hurt? Would you then be deemed a coward for running away or a wise person for staying clear of trouble or just a pathetic weirdo who wouldn't fit in?
I'm just confused, because of the labels, the contracts, the terms and the expiry dates. I believe I've had enough and I'm certainly not willing to put myself through this. I've always been a person who put up a strong front and appear happy at all times due to a single belief. I sincerely belief, no matter how terrible our day gets, we should never ever spoil another's by saying or doing something that we wouldn't have done on a good day. It may be a stupid solution, and may have caused my heart hairline fractures, but I still believe in it and I'll hold on to it because if life can't be fair, we should try our best to be fair to it instead.
Then again, I wonder if it's okay, to be a little emotional, to count every thought, to measure the weight of every word you say so as to not offend anyone but be on the receiving end of their wrath,and to allow yourself to be toiled on and savaged. When you've been to depths of despair, just a single look at a person's face can tell you their emotions and their virtues, even if that person turn's out to be yourself. There would be times, where you could laugh and hear the sound of your own laughter and wonder whether it is really yours and why does it seem so empty, feel the saltiness of your tears to only realise that you've been crying in your sleep, and stayed awake for days afraid of nightmares, to only be told that they aren't real and wouldn't come true.
They all say confusion is a good thing and it means you are now closer to your solution. Honestly, I do not see any light at the end of the tunnel and I'm more keen of digging my way up at the moment.
You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent their making a nest in your hair. - Chinese Proverb
Here's the thing that I've decided for now, both happiness and sadness are remarkably beautiful in their own way.
Soms ben ik het sterkste wijf ter wereld en soms ben ik een kwartelei.
6 mei 2012 - 20:24
Ledecky
