• Treasure Chests

    All That Glitters Isn't Gold




    Magic: It's still very much alive in this world. Warlocks, masters of this magic, still live among us, hidden from Human sight. A few centuries ago, a strong warlock made a very strange discovery. When too much magic manifests in an infant's body, it crystallises in the infant's chest in the form of a gemstone. These 'Gem children' grow up as very sickly babies before turning into very strong humans. The warlocks did not care for the child and killed it to harvest the gemstone from its chest. For a while, the warlock was the most powerful of his kind thanks to the raw power of this gemstone. Then his secret came out.
    Ever since, the Gem children have been ruthlessly hunted down. Rare as they are, they already face extinction. Not all Warlocks could be bothered to hunt for this power. And this was how the Hunters were created. Humans were chosen to be charmed with a special strength, and they were blackmailed into doing the Warlocks' dirty work. This was easy until one exceptionally strong Warlock, Raisa Romaine Dvornikov, build a house and charmed it to protect the Gemchildren. Any gemchild was welcome, but Hunters would be unable to breath when they crossed the threshold into the building.
    This RPG follows the gemchildren, the warlocks, their hunters and their stories.


    RPG Rules
    1)English only
    2)6 line minimum per post; (12 minimum if you have two characters in the post)
    3)2 characters maximum;
    4)Anything unrelated to the RPG in the chat topic;
    5)No killing a character without permission of the owner;
    6)No 'perfect characters'. Each character must have a few flaws;
    7)Wait 2-3 posts before replying again;

    Rules related to Gemhearts
    1)They must have one personality trait that related to their Heartstone; (Find the list of traits here)
    2)They can only use their special ability when they are holding a stone similar to their heartstone in their hand;
    3)They are either taken into the protection house by Raisa the Warlock, or they hear about it and find it themselves;
    4)They are allowed to leave the protection house, but it is dangerous.

    Rules related to Warlocks
    1)Warlocks don't just snap their fingers to use their magic. They use long spells, runes and potions to achieve their goals;
    2)They are not all powerful.;
    3)They can't bring people back from the dead.
    4)Warlocks can track the movements of their Hunter, but not read their mind or anything.

    Rules related to Hunters
    1)Hunters are normal non-magical people who get blackmailed by the Warlocks to kill Gemchildren.
    2)They wear an enchanted necklace which gives them more strength than normal Humans and helps them tell Normal children from Gemhearts.

    Roles:

    Gem Children
    1) Female – Diamond – Bella Lumière – Shinibubbles
    2) Male – Lapis Lazuli – Lazu Markl – Escritura
    3) Male – Black Onyx – Fiyero Gabrielle Arch – Theodora
    4) Male – Amethyst– Julian Rowland – Yoda

    Hunters and Warlocks
    1) Hunter – Female – Jazlyn Ophelia Delaney – Tortura
    2) Hunter – Female – Aerilyn Suraya Guangco – PlagueRat
    3) Hunter – Female – Blake Skyler – Ubiquitous
    3) Hunter – Male – Jaimes Avril Ashley – Escritura
    4) Hunter – Male – Alois Amboise – Hashirama
    5) Warlock – Female – Raisa Romaine Dvornikov – Shinibubbles
    6) Warlock – Female – Rosemary Aventurine Albus - PlagueRat
    7) Warlock – Male – Izan Alvaro Ruiz – Tortura
    8) Warlock – Male – Lev Ivor Tsiskaridze – Theodora

    Story!

    Chat Topic!

    [ bericht aangepast op 5 aug 2013 - 14:42 ]


    Having a birthday holiday to the Netherlands <3 So excited!! <3


    Having a birthday holiday to the Netherlands <3 So excited!! <3

    Lev Ivor Tsiskaridze

    “No I wouldn't. I'd just remove it, and let her cook it," Raisa answers, her voice like velvet. I clutch my head, as if to keep my brains safe from her fury - even though I haven't done anything wrong, really - as she calls for her sons to come downstairs. Were they the pair I walked in on cuddling? Probably. I have met Fiyero, and I don't think he'll be easy to forget, even though I would sorely like to. Quickly the sweet voice of young Bella distracts me from these thoughts.
    “I'm pretty sure mama has already got a new phone on order for me after I broke this one.. I had this one for a while though.”
    I smile back at her, but have to make a grave effort not to roll my eyes. Perhaps this would be one of the rare differences of opinion between my cousin and myself. I would never spoil the children as she apparently does. Bella, adorable as she may be, is the one that broke her phone. It's not up to Raisa to instantly buy her a new one. It would be a dying shame if my sister feels like she has to buy the love of her children. From what I've seen from Bella, they see her as their proper mother. Does she not see the loving look in their eyes when they look at her.
    I'm startled when Raisa suddenly wraps her arms around me, but with a soft laugh, I return the hug. I hold one arm around her waist and put my other hand in her hair. I have always loved her hair, it's ever so soft and light. With a silent sigh I pull her closer. I can't even imagine how I've gone so long without her, how I've managed with nothing but her letters.
    "I have a spare room for you. But you're welcome to stay in my room, or with Bella. Sweety, you should probably warn him about your little morning habits, so you don't hurt each other."
    I stiffen a bit, with the suddenness of this. No, I would not like to sleep in the same room as Bella. It is not how I was brought up. I cannot believe that my sister should propose this, she ought to know me better. Why on earth she would talk about Bella and I hurting each other is an even greater mystery to me.
    "Oh.. In the mornings, I practice my martial arts and my shooting skills." I stumble, when my young Kukla touches my hand. Even though I am still holding Raisa, I somehow manage to stumble.
    "Ma - ma - martial arts?" I stutter. Raisa has her practicing martial arts? How could she have known I would like this one so much, that she has gotten her into the same hobby as me? Ever since it became clear I did not possess the same magical skills as my sibblings, my parents had gotten me into self defence classes, ancient ones. Martial arts. Is this a mere coïncidence?
    "I shall sleep with you, sister, if you'll allow me."
    I glance at Bella, and try to swallow away the rising lump in my throat. How is this even possible, that she and I should have so much in common? I am not like my sisters, I refuse to believe that one can be born for the sole purpose of belonging to another. But Bella... she is shaking that principle rather hard right now.


    I've no idea of the future, but I can see the past quite well. And the present, if the weather's clear.

    Raisa
    I smile gently and cuddle closer to Lev, giggling at his reaction to my half-teasing.
    “She doesn't sleep in her room.” I remind him gently. “It's basically a spare room.” I nuzzle him gently, breathing in his familiar scent. “But of course you can sleep with me. One of the kids may join us if they have a bad dream though.” It was only fair to warn him – especially since it was usually Fiyero and Bella. I snuggled closer while I waited for the boys to come downstairs, and shut my eyes. Today had been pretty tiring, and I was looking forward to the movie night tonight. I refused to look at my phone, sitting silently on the table. Fiyero would come home when he was ready, I'd keep his dinner warm if he doesn't come soon. He was almost an adult, so I shouldn't be smothering him... I gently kiss Lev's temple, without thinking. “About the phone..” I murmur in his ear. “She's the one that gives me the money for it, but I order it for her. She doesn't like buying things online, it confuses her.” Then I gently kiss his cheek again, and get off his lap to serve up. Julian and Lazu would be down soon, so I could at least give food to the people at the table. I know Lev must be starving after travelling – my house wasn't exactly easy to get to. And Bella was always hungry. I put their plates down, then my own. “Please, eat.” I smiled. Then laugh softly as my daughter starts

    Bella
    I smile sweetly at Lev, happily. I loved talking about my martial arts. I slipped onto his lap again, resting against him.
    “Yup! I've been doing them since I was five, but Raisa has been really sweet and letting me get the equipment I need. Like my guns, shurikens, pads...” I get distracted when food is put in front of my place, and reluctantly get off Lev's warm lap back onto my own chair, and clasp my hands in front of me and shut my eyes. “Ikitakimas!” I chirped, helping myself to a mouthful and closing my eyes happily. I loved Raisa's cooking – it was better then my dads, apart from the fact there was no human in it.
    “Will the boys be here soon?” I ask my mother after swallowing. “I want to introduce them to Lev! And Lev, we're having a movie night tonight!” wow I wasn't feeling well. “I'm pretty sure that Lazu is gonna choose the film, so at least it'll be a good one, though it'll probably be Disney. He really likes Disney, but if he puts on freaking Sleepy Beauty again, I'm going to throttle him.” I frown briefly, blinking startled. Where the hell did that come from? I never had a word vomit before, and here I was doing exactly that. I'd never spoken this much before in my voice, and I could hear my voice starting to break a little in protest at the over-use. “It'd be nice if we could watch the Lord of the Rings ser-” I started to cough suddenly, pushing myself away from the table.


    Having a birthday holiday to the Netherlands <3 So excited!! <3

    Jazz.

    He tells me there’s no need to replace his clothes, but I’m not even listening anymore. In fact, I already pointed out that pointing at someone is rude. Although I’m the first person who I can name that is doing that shit on a daily basis to a person. Not that I care, or tell that to him at all. I like to watch the reaction from the other person as I lie.
    ‘I have been told to in the past. My apologies. And to answer your question, I have already handed in my gems. In fact, you could say that you and I are no longer colleagues.’ My eyebrows rise up, as I shot my glance towards him. Is he shitting me? No. In the twinkling of an eye I see how he has no necklace or whatsoever on anymore. I press my lips firmly together, in order to then rub them on each other. I can’t even think straight because of this, since… what was he thinking, for God’s sake? The one person who should earlier leave that pissing Warlock is me, not him. Me. Although I’m pretty curious how he has accomplished that. Did he give her as much gems she needed?
    ‘Great guy you are, Sho.’ I sigh sarcastically as I turn myself towards the barkeeper and sign him to come. With a brief gesture I make clear that I want the same thing, what is in front of me within seconds. I take a big gulp from the glass, and do not notice him looking at me. Otherwise I’d probably say something embarrassing for him.
    ‘If you’re free, would you mind helping me with something? I am, of course, willing to pay you for it when necessary.’ Directly interested in what he is going to say I look at him, a grin starting on my red lips. Our eyes cross, and my pale fingers curl around the glass cold liquor. It’s already on the way to my mouth, after which I take a sip outta it, still focused on what he is gonna tell me.
    ‘Would you mind becoming my wife?’ He can’t even finish, or I spit it all out. What.did.he.say.now? His wife? Do I look like the type that wants to get married in the first fucking place? ‘Don’t worry, it’s only temporary, to make my family think that I’m married. You see, it would solve a great deal of problems and since you’re well eh… female, you could help me out with it greatly. If you want. Eh… if you can.’ He blurts everything out in one go, and I don’t even know how I could have followed that shit. His not-real wife… for his family, and solving problems? And. Fuck. How did I become in this shit again? I don’t even know how to answer now, but still, I’m thinking it over again. Doubtfully I drink my rum and think at the same damn time that I need something stronger. Much stronger. And the best thing is that he does the same.
    ‘Aight, I will do it, mate,’ I say, almost emotionless, but certainly of my case. I look back at him, while I say the next thing. ‘I’ll help you through becoming your wife to be and solve your problems, but then in return I want you to have sex with me.’ I shrug my shoulders, somewhat laconically. As I turn back, I lay my arms on the bar counter and take a sip from the glass. ‘Easy as that. Take it, or leave it.’ I wondered how he’d react, as it was known that he didn’t like touches of any kind. Yet, this was what was my proposal, and since I see no other interesting man 123 that can meet my expectations, Sho must do. He’s probably just here at the wrong time.

    [Sorry that it took so long! ;o]


    Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak.

    Doesn’t matter, I’m an even worse slowpoke XD.
    Sho.
    I’m a fool. Immediately after those words left my mouth, I want to curl up in a corner and just disappear. Even the alcohol can’t lull the feeling of shame that shoots straight through me and heats my cheeks like no whisky ever could. I swallow a lump down my throat. Hell, it’s a big one.
    Alois, fool. FOOL. How can I even imagine a scenario in which Jazlyn actually says yes? I’m positive that she’ll decline-
    ‘Aight, I will do it mate.’ I’m frozen. She.. what? I frown my brows but then immediately afterwards relax them. Of course, Jazlyn looks like someone who’d be interested in a royal sum of money. But the ease in which she actually accepts the offer completely astounds me. I remain calm however, and replace the whisky with a vodka. ‘Thank you,’ I say humbly, nearly submissively as the initial shock passes and take a sip of the vodka.
    ‘I will help you through becoming your wife to be and solve your problems, but then in return I want you to have sex with me.’ The next thing I know, the sip of vodka I just took splashes back on the bar again and I frantically cough a couple of times to prevent myself from choking. ‘What?’
    What? I look into her eyes and I’m so shocked that I must look like a complete idiot. I wipe my mouth off – that must have looked very charming. Are you joking? I want to ask, but her facial expression immediately clarifies that she isn’t joking in the slightest. A ton of questions arise. Why on earth would she want me? I avoid her gaze, feeling outdone and ashamed. It’s true that sexual intercourse is a part of a marriage, but I can assure her that nobody will be peeking in our bedroom.
    ‘I uh.. don’t you prefer to be paid in uh.. money?’ I stumble. ‘Easy as that, take it or leave it.’ She doesn’t accept no for an answer and she doesn’t seem to care about my offer either. Still I can’t stop myself from asking one question:
    ‘Are you.. uh.. sure? I mean I-’ What should I say? I have gonorrhea? I’m not that good in bed? I can’t get it up? Thinking about these things alone makes me want to vomit. I could lie… saying that I have an STD would be very plausible. But chances are high that she’d completely decline the offer and I would be left with nothing. I have to think. This is taking too long.
    What options do I have? Accept the offer? I gulp at the thought alone. To be very honest, Jazlyn isn’t an unattractive woman. I know that there must be at least a dozen men in my stead who’d love to take their chance. Then why me? Is it simple promiscuity? I frown at myself. Searching for explanations won’t help. I need to think of a way to talk her out of it while the plan is being executed. Right now she must think I’m some kind of inexperienced virgin. Frankly, I do feel like one too. But one of life’s lessons was that sex wasn’t a pleasant experience. I gulp and chase the ghosts away. I close my eyes and after more deliberation with myself I give a weak nod.
    ‘Fine then, if that’s what you want.’


    No growth of the heart is ever a waste

    Jazz.

    I grin; he is just so amusing to watch. I know he was already settling for a rejection, and at the first moment I wanted that also. But I simply changed my mind. This could be fun, and who am I to reject “pleasure” that easily? He is practically submissive, I almost find that cute.
    ‘What?’ I look at him with determined eyes, I mean it and that, ladies and gentleman, he sees. He wipes off his mouth but I do hope for his sake that he’s not crossing my limits. Or else I will leave, easy as that.
    ‘I uh… don’t you prefer to be paid in uh… money?’ Strike one, babe. I reply him that my answer will not be different, at all. Not interested in what he is thinking, I drink up the rum and sigh deep. Men are so difficult; it’s why I only do one-night stands primo. Already expecting another try to get me change my answer, I turn towards him and raise my eyebrow deadly calm.
    ‘Are you… uh… sure? I mean I–’ Strike two, I think, and lick my lips now somewhat impatient. Third strike will be done and over with. Ungrateful people. Well, I try to be nice for once and what am I getting in return? Thanks for nothing, mate. Although, I gotta admit his reaction is pretty fun to see. He is getting all sheepish on this shit. Just because I said I wanted sex. Somewhere I became quite curious about his background. Like, what did he have for problems that he needed a wife? Suddenly he closes his eyes and give a weak nod.
    ‘Fine then, if that’s what you want.’
    ‘That’s exactly what I want. Good choice mate,’ I say grinning, whereupon I give him a friendly smack on the back. ‘Any longer and I was outta this rathole.’ After that I turn towards the bartender, while I’m getting a daring smirk on my red lips. A couple of times I slap on the bar to get his attention. When I got that, I tell him cheeky: ‘Provide us the strongest drink you have, right away.’ It doesn’t take long or there are two small glasses with liquor before Sho and me. I turn to him.
    ‘Drink up, you need it. Tomorrow you don’t wanna remember a thing; I’m looking out for ya.’ In one go I throw my drink backwards, but swallow the last a bit cautious. With my tongue I lick over my lips, it’s indeed very strong and I’m starting to feel kinda fussy. A few times I blink my eyes in order to reduce the spinning and fast moving. Ah, I was getting drunk. Again. ‘Drink it.’ I say, now more impatient. I order yet another booze, drink that too and after that I try to stand up. This, of course, fails. I stumble, but don’t fall to the ground; I keep me standing by holding the bar.
    ‘Come on, let’s go.’

    [It's okay if you write that they arrive at her (of his) place, by-the-way.]


    Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak.

    Aight!

    Sho.

    I am still trapped in my own mind, outweighing the option, as Jazlyn slams on the table. I tilt my head as she speaks to the bartender.
    ‘Provide us with the strongest drink you have, right away.’ Wait.. what? She wants to.. now? If I want to try and talk myself out of this, I better be fast.
    ‘Wait, are you-’ The waiter comes and brings us our drinks. ‘Drink up, you need it. Tomorrow you don’t wanna remember a thing; I’m looking out for ya.’ I blink. She wants to get the both of us drunk? Then how on earth- ‘Drink it,’ she urges. I take a deep breath. If she really dislikes it so much that she needs to get her senses lulled before having intercourse with someone, then how would she be able to enjoy it? I don’t ask any further and gulp it all down in one shot. The gooey stuff slithers down my throat and I’m positive that this is the strongest alcoholic beverage I’ve ever tasted. The waiter asks us if we like it. My answer was a vague ‘yes’. Jazlyn’s answer was another order. I want to ask her if that’s a wise decision, but as she swallows down another – undeniably strong – spirit I’m sure what her answer would be. Meanwhile, this drink is making my belly warm and actually, I don’t dislike it. I’m feeling like I’m getting in a state between tipsiness and drunkenness and I almost, almost forget the reason why Jazlyn was trying to get the both of us drunk in the first place.
    In the mean time, Jazlyn tries to stand up and utterly fails at it.
    ‘You need any help?’ But she manages to find a firm grip on the bar’s edge and remarkably holds her own.
    ‘Come on, let’s go.’ I nod and give the waiter money before we leave. ‘Bring her home safely will you,’ he insists.
    ‘Yes!’ I answer, a tad too loud and it is when we are out on the street that I realize that I don’t even know where her home is.
    ‘Are you feeling okay?’ I think it’s a rhetorical question. Jazlyn is barely holding her own and after watching her plodding to not fall to the ground, I give myself the liberty to take an arm and at least get her back home.
    Oh. Yes. Home. ‘Jazlyn, where-’ She shoots me a death glare and I immediately shut my mouth. Jazlyn. I’ve said it again. Too afraid to ask something again, I mutter something along the lines of ‘we can go to my apartment.’ She doesn’t protest and not much longer I open the door to my apartment while I try to make sure that Jazlyn doesn’t fall off the stairs.
    It’s been ages since anyone has been in my apartment. Needless to say, I wasn’t prepared for visitors. That doesn’t mean that it’s one big mess inside; on the contrary. Old habits die hard. The apartment looks neat and clean. And it lacks charisma of any sorts. No picture frames of family or friends, no paintings or decorations, not even a shelf with books. This place is used for only one goal: providing me with shelter.
    It is a total 180 compared to the house I used to live in as a child.
    ‘Just.. take a seat,’ I say and place Jazlyn on the couch like a child – as I am unsure if she’ll be able to stand on her own if I let go.
    I go to the kitchen – feeling a little hazy myself – and provide us both with a glass of water. I can’t believe I’m getting into this mess. ‘It’s not a very luxurious place, but it provides me with everything I need.’ A part of me hopes that Jazlyn falls asleep while being in this drunk state, but something tells me that I’m not that lucky. Luck has never really been on my side after all.
    ‘You wish to.. take a shower or anything? Or… something to eat?’ I ask. It’s an understatement that I’m slightly awkward with this situation. What should I do? What should I say? My breath is growing erratic as I remember the moments I try to forget so hard. I swallow a lump down my throat and take the glass in my hand. I gulp the water down and force myself to not run away. This is reality, Alois. Reality has never been nice. And it never will be. So it’s no use to keep on hiding.
    ‘You can tell me how you want it, if you wish.’ My voice sounds soft, almost submissive it can be easily mistaken for an attempt at seducing.
    Maybe, just maybe the alcohol chases the ghosts away.


    No growth of the heart is ever a waste

    Jazz.

    It’s kinda bad, actually; I’m getting what I want, but I still think what’s best for his sake. Or at least, how he will forget this the fastest way. It’s not even about me having a “good time”. Both way, I’m helping him and he will help me. Relieved that he gulps it all down in one shot, I order another one. It doesn’t only help me relieve some off the world, but Sho as well. Thank God.
    When I’m feeling we are all done here, I let him know I would like to get outta this rat hole. Like, now. He even gives the man some cash before we leave, like a gentleman. They babble something behind me, but I don’t care one bit, because I’m about to step out. I’m still feeling like I can fly or something, which means I truly can’t think straight. The attempt to walk straight, fails incredible, causing Sho at some point offering his arm, so I can hold on. I cling to it like it really is my last grip, which in fact is pretty true.
    Not long afterwards he opens the door to his apartment, which I was very eager to see, I’ve never been there before. The moment I set foot in his apartment, I notice it’s clean. Very clean, like sterile almost. Even in the drunken state I’m in, I can see that. I mean, I’m not blind. This is probably the cleanest place I’ve ever been, and believe me, I’ve been in many places. There are not even paintings or a bookshelf. Coming from someone who is absolutely the opposite of him, I like this place. Well, what I can say in my darn condition now.
    ‘Just… take a seat,’ he says. I nod, but at the moment I stumble, he sits me down like I’m a goddamn child. A child who is very drunk. Exactly when he lets me go, I give myself the opportunity to drop down on the couch. With my shoes still on. Hey, I’m the boozy lady here! Nevertheless it is not too bad, when I think of the previous times. Only now I notice my eyes were briefly closed, but then again, I feel quite intoxicated. Ugh, this should be him now, not me! I only did it for him anyway, and I almost never do something for another human being. I suck. I watch as he puts down a glass of water right in front of me, to what I stretch out my arm. But it doesn’t help, since I cannot reach that stupid glass, so I’m sitting up again.
    ‘It’s not a very luxurious place, but it provides me with everything I need.’ I shrug my shoulders lazily. I don’t feel like saying anything though, as if I lost my tongue.
    ‘You wish to… take a shower or anything? Or… something to eat?’ I grin at his questions and watch at him amusing, but still with a blurry look in my eyes. He drinks the water down before me, but after that I do the same and try to stand up. This, of course, fails again. I lay myself down on the couch again and look at him doubtfully. It still makes me wonder why he doesn’t like touches of any kind, maybe something from the past. Hm, I could take a shower, but I should keep that for tomorrow. And for the eating… Neh, don’t feel like it. That leaves me to the next point: Sho. Sorry, impatient bitch here.
    ‘You can tell me how you want it, if you wish.’
    ‘The only thing I need is your manhood,’ I smirk and kick my heels off.
    ‘Listen Sho,’ I murmur. Again I try to stand up and this time it, thankfully, succeeds. With slow passes I walk towards him and right before him I sit down, but put my both hands on each of his cheeks. ‘Try not to think about it. Ban that evil shit out, and remember your favorite memories.’ I stand up and look down at him. ‘Maybe that will help.’ I say with a weak smile, but after that I cough out loud and look around, as if it never happened. That was the weak Jazz, it’s time to turn that around.
    ‘So, where is the bedroom?’ I say, while already searching for it. Now that I have no heels on, I am instantly a lot smaller than Sho. I’m still incredible shaky on my legs through the hazy vision, but I don’t let it command me, so I simply walk by. When I finally found it, I allow myself to fall onto my back on the bed. For a moment I close my eyes and think about Ryan. Fuck, I’m really getting al mushy when I think about my little brother. I wonder where he is, if he’s eating well and how he is doing. God doesn’t even know how much I miss him. Well, to put the money where my mouth is, or whatever that proverb goes, I wiggle down my black pants and let that fall to the ground.
    ‘If I’m gonna put my name on the dotted line, it’s best to begin now.’ I mumble, while I dispose my shirt also. Even though that wasn’t really necessary, but it is better for me. Waiting for Sho in just my underwear, I stare at the ceiling, lost in thoughts. Who the Hell ever thought I'd get married? Bullshit or not.

    [Ugh, sorry if it sucks, but it isn't my day.]


    Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak.

    Doesn't matter;].

    Sho.

    ‘The only thing I need is your manhood.’
    If I hadn’t downed my water, I would have spit it out by now. I immediately turn around and try to focus my thoughts on something else – anything else. This woman is very blatant. It’s as we come from two different worlds. Perhaps we do. Something tells me that there is a reason for Jazlyn’s behavior and it goes further than just simple provocation. I don’t ask. But I am surprised as she cups my cheeks with her two hands. So.. she is able to show some tenderness..?
    ‘Try not to think about it. Ban that evil shit out, and remember your favorite memories.’ I am genuinely taken by surprise now, but Jazz doesn’t give me a chance to reply as she asks where my bedroom is. I try and formulate an answer – way too slow for her, it seems – and she finds my bedroom by herself.
    My eyes become soft and a hesitant, pained expression slides over my face. I’ve done nothing but trying to… and in the end… I failed. Time after time. A life living in denial doesn’t work. I’ve been afraid. I am afraid. Could Jazlyn be the cure to the problem despite her not knowing it? The best way to conquer a fear is to face it, right..? But am I ready to face this kind of fear? I ball my fist. It’s time for me to man up. Maybe… maybe it isn’t that bad.
    I want to walk towards the bedroom as I suddenly remember something. My jaw nearly drops and my eyes become significantly larger. I hastily run to the bedroom and open my mouth to speak, but the sight of a near naked Jazlyn Delaney makes me shut up instantly.
    Whenever I feel like I’m in an uncomfortable position, I start fretting over unimportant details, such as the tiny dots of goose bumps on Jazlyn’s skin.
    ‘You’re cold… I’m sorry. I’ll turn on the heater,’ I say and walk across the room. ‘I.. I wanted to tell you that I didn’t bring any.. protection.’ That sounded stupid.
    ‘Don’t worry, my neighbor… down below has, I’m sure of it,’ I continue. I feel deeply ashamed to even ask the man (even though I’m certain that he wouldn’t mind), but anything’s better than the alternative.
    Needless to say that I’m not prepared for these kinds of activities, I knock at my neighbor’s door. ‘Sup? Oi Sho, it’s been some time, isn’t it? Whuddyawant man? Wanna sip a beer with me?’ Eric isn’t exactly our stereotype Jamaican in looks, but he surely is in speech. ‘No thank you. I eh.. I wondered if you have.. by any chance some.. gloves.’ Eric looks at me, but then the bell rang.
    ‘Sho, I can’t believe it! You’ve finally brought one home? I’m so proud of you fella. Okay I’ll be right back. Now, tell me everything when you’re done!’ ‘I’d.. rather not.’ Eric pokes me. ‘Neh, you’re a real gentleman are you.’

    When I’m back in my room again I put the condoms aside with shaky hands.
    ‘My apologies for keeping you waiting. The truth is… I’m not really good at.. things like this.’ I rid myself of my checkered plaid, leaving only a simple blouse and pants. It feels strange to undress with someone near you, watching you…
    I close my eyes for a moment and steady my breathing. Even the alcohol doesn’t help now.
    I’ve got nothing to fear. Nothing...
    I’m fine, I say to myself as I rid myself of my shirt. Maybe it’s different with a woman than…
    I gulp. I should follow her advice. Good memories, I think as I slide off my pants. I lie down next to her.
    ‘My name is Alois.’ She looks at me. ‘It seemed fair to me that you’d know.’
    That leaves us to the next part. How do I start? How can I even.. make her enjoy this? How can
    focus on the good memories when it’s the bad ones that I need. I’ve got no choice. Jazlyn can’t help it. It’s not her fault. I slowly, carefully bring my hand to her hip and place it there. I close my eyes and inhale her scent. It’s different.. pleasant.
    I open my eyes.
    ‘I want you to tell me if I do something you don’t want me to do. Promise me that.’

    [ bericht aangepast op 21 nov 2013 - 23:23 ]


    No growth of the heart is ever a waste

    Jazz being sweet, haha.

    Jazz.

    I hear him coming running to the bedroom, just to keep his mouth shut again. I wonder, didn't he even see a nearly naked woman? He mumbles something about me being cold and turning on the heater, but I'm not cold at all. At least, I am too lost in my thoughts to actually worry about that tiny detail. In the past I've been alone outside, with no home. That was cold, this isn't anything to fret about. But I must say, it's kinda cute he worries about me being cold. Even though I shut him up by the way I look now.
    ‘I.. I wanted to tell you that I didn’t bring any.. protection. Don’t worry, my neighbor… down below has, I’m sure of it,’ He continues. I stiffle a laugh, since he seems the only one worrying about that. Of course I don't want a little kid running around in a while. I'd suck as a mother, anyway. Safe sex the best, I guess. It's just... Is pushing him really okay? Even in my state I know I'm pushing him for my own lust. Ah come on, Jazz, you are not becoming a pussy are you?!
    I deeply sigh, and try to think of something else. Like my little brother, again. I think of him quite a lot, really. Maybe it's weird that he comes in my mind just before "getting it on", but I truly miss him. There are no words to describe how much, though. I remember how we had a good time celebrating his birthday, but on the other hand we also had a huge fight. About that stupid bitch of a mother. She can't even call herself that, she isn't worth it. My body is getting warmer through the heater. Somehow it feels fine, though I do not know where it comes from, what only gets worse as he steps back inside.
    ‘My apologies for keeping you waiting. The truth is… I’m not really good at.. things like this.’ No shit, I've noticed. Though, I say nothing. The only thing I do, is smile a bit. A friendly smile, for how far that works. I don't want him running outta the bedroom like a crazy person. Besides, I want him to have it to is liking also. It's no fun if the other person ain't working with ya.
    ‘My name is Alois.’ He said, after he was lying beside me. I watch him, as he continues speaking. Not saying a thing just yet. ‘It seemed fair to me that you’d know.’
    'Alois...' I whisper, to hear and feel how it sounded if I'd say it. 'Then you can call me Jazlyn. I guarantee you you'll have no more deathglares coming your way.' I smirk, making a joke of it to lift the suppressed air a bit. Hopefully, it works. I roll on my side just as he carefully places his hand on my hip. It feels somewhat cozy and, call me crazy, I feel safe. Something I didn't feel in a very long time, but I'm pushing it back into Pandora's box. If you feel safe, soon will come all those feelings and I'm not letting it. Not again.
    ‘I want you to tell me if I do something you don’t want me to do. Promise me that.’
    'Don't worry, hon, if I don't like something, you will be the first to know.' Our eyes cross as I bring my hand slowly to his cheek, to lay it there again.
    'Hey, before we begin I'd like to say something to you.' Softly I whisper, but hard enough for him to hear it. 'I have seriously no idea why you don't like touches, of any kind at all, and honestly; I don't need to know. But stop being afraid.' This is the moment I softly caress his face with my fingers, not breaking eye-contact. 'It's easier said than done, but a life full of fear is no life. Don't let it beat you down, because you are stronger then that. And if it helps, you can even pretend I'm someone else, I don't mind. If it works for you, I'm not complaining.' And thereby, I'm used to it. That's not what I'm saying to him though, and just like my "sweet" attitude now, the thoughts will be removed tomorrow when I wake up.
    Carefully I move towards him. 'And we can begin slowly.' I murmur, as I let my lips meet his, but pull away soon after that to watch his reaction. My hand still caresses his cheek though.


    Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak.

    Awhh she's so sweet *.*

    Sho.

    I smile at her words. It’s actually a friendly smile.
    ‘Jazlyn is a beautiful name,’ I say genuinely. Why did she dislike being called like that? I don’t ask any further about the matter, as a whirlwind of several emotions rush straight through me. For some reason I remain calm, stoic almost as I fall back in my usual way of defense.
    Jazlyn Delaney assures me that I’ll be the first to know. I don’t have my doubts on this, but I needed to make sure. ‘Thank you,’ I answer. But instead of giving a sassy remark or anything in that direction, she places her hand on my cheek, silencing me and instantly stopping the running train of thoughts. Her gaze meets mine. And she speaks. The words coming from her lips are surprising – no that’s an understatement. My eyes widen slightly. How does she.. know this much? It unsettles me and I have trouble keeping my breathing in check. Surprises are the last things I need now.
    A life full of fear is no life.
    I have convinced myself that I’m not afraid. And even if I were, I rendered the kind of fear I was afraid of insignificant. I am, after all, able to function on a normal level. I bite the inside of my cheek, invisible to the eye to keep myself calm. But maybe I’ve been fooling myself all these years. Could it be? I stop biting. It works. I don’t have to answer anything. But she’ll be asking for questions sooner or later. Relax, I say to myself, I’ll tell her as much that is necessary. After all, this… this, whatever is supposed to happen tonight, is a part of overcoming those fears.
    However, I’m genuinely shocked when Jazlyn says I could pretend she’s someone else. Why would- I’m sure she catches sight of my expression that may looked a bit idiotic in the least. I’m at a loss of words.
    ‘And we can begin slowly.’ I have no time to react when she inches closer and kisses me softly. All air is sucked out of me as I lie on the bed passively, waiting for the next blow to come. But it doesn’t. Nothing comes because there is no danger. No. Danger. Jazlyn investigates me and waits for a reaction. ‘I…’ My mind is reeling. I’m not able to form coherent sentences.
    ‘I wouldn’t want to imagine you’re someone else. Not in the slightest,’ I finally say as a delayed reaction. ‘It’s not a decent thing to do.’ I slowly inch closer to her and give her a soft kiss on the cheek. It’s instinct telling me to try and show her that I don’t want to hurt her. But how can I show someone the good side of something I’ve only experienced the bad side of?
    The next kiss I place is on her jawline. I keep my hand still. Jazlyn doesn’t seem to be disgusted by me just yet. I take it as a good sign and put my trust into her that she’ll tell me as soon as I do something she doesn’t like.
    I kiss her neck slowly, softly, brushing away some stray strands of hair. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up, but so far so good. No fear. No trouble. The little dots of goose bumps are reappearing. I find it fascinating, but instantly loathe myself for any unwanted perversion. Lastly, I kiss her mouth, strangely content with the situation. It’s – to speak in a morbid way – the kind of peace that someone experiences before dying. I’ve seen it before, a dozen times. But I’m not dying just yet. I’m very much alive and I should keep myself remind that. The hand on her hip has slowly moved to her back, trailing over the spine its way up.
    ‘I’m sorry if I’m… different than your expectations, but I really need to get used to this.’


    No growth of the heart is ever a waste

    Oi, fuck, other profile lolol. Wellyeah.

    Jazz.

    I smile a little as he says I’ve a beautiful name, though it is a somewhat reticent one. Given that I’m not exactly sure whether I should be glad because of it, since my mom is the one that had picked out my name. And I hate her, still soft mentioning. Sho doesn’t need to know, so I show him a little smile.
    Even if he was startled by my words, which really was not the intention, I was just trying to put him at ease. I basically have no idea if it worked, since he remained silent. Something that I in fact did not mind. I mean, if it works for him, why would I be a pain in the ass? I don’t even need to know his story if he did not want to tell it, I believe that should come naturally. I myself also despise it when people are forcing me to tell my story. No way, José!
    Shit, maybe I shouldn’t have said it… I think as he looks quite shocked. But I just wanted to help, I guess. Fuck it, why is he looking at me like I’m some kind of psycho? I’m not. Right? No, I’m not. As if he actually cares if I would be someone else or not. Thank God he couldn’t say anything because of my short kiss. He is handling it very well though, what is good news.
    ‘I…’ I raise my brows, as I wait patiently for further words. ‘I wouldn’t want to imagine you’re someone else. Not in the slightest,’ he says all of a sudden. Due to the abruptness, my eyes grow sad. I didn’t saw this coming, at all. ‘It’s not a decent thing to do.’ Oi, that is it of course, since Sho – ehr, Alois – is such a gentleman! That must be the reason why he said that. But when I feel how he gives me a soft kiss on the cheek, I shut my eyes shocked instantly. It’s done with concern, causing me to think about my dad – although this is, of course, weird at this time. I just miss him. It makes me wanna cuddle Sho, snug in his arms and wanting to disappear with his arms around me. But I must remain myself, don’t let him notice this.
    Slowly I open my eyes again as he places a kiss on my jawline, it actually feels good. My neck follows, softly, while he brushes away some stray strands of hair. Enjoyable I sigh. Hereafter, he kisses me, and I answered it in a fairly tender way. When I feel his hand slowly move to my back, caressing its way up, I can’t suppress the tingling. It is a very good tingling though, one I haven’t felt in a very long time. But it feels strange, because I don’t know what to think of it, since Sho is the one who let it happen.
    ‘I’m sorry if I’m… different than your expectations, but I really need to get used to this.’ I immediately shake my head, calmly. My hand slides down his cheek towards his hair, I stroke my fingers through it on a gentle way. At a given moment it makes them come to lie in his neck.
    ‘Hush,’ I whisper softly, and kiss him again briefly on his lips. ‘You don’t have to say anything.’ My other hand caresses his jaw line, as I let my lips meet his again. But it’s short again, as I don’t want to push him into doing it fast. I want him to feel comfortable. ‘You don’t have to apologize yourself.’ I whisper, before I give him a kiss on his jaw. ‘But please tell me if you don’t feel well.’ I let my eyes meet his for a second or two, after which I place a kiss on his cheek. You know, maybe we should stop with it, but in some kind of way I feel very comfortable with him. Although I cannot explain it, it feels safe.
    Eventually I lay my hands upon his chest, and wait for a few seconds. What should I do? I actually don’t dare to continue for his sake, since I have no idea if he can last it. Still, I lick my lips briefly, before going back to him once again. This time I place my lips on his neck, in order to then make my way gently down over his chest. I stop, waiting for him. Waiting for his response on this. If he wants me to quit all this, I don’t have a clue what to do. He wants to be careful with me, but I should be the one carefully with him.

    [ bericht aangepast op 23 nov 2013 - 23:17 ]


    Sho.

    ‘You don’t have to apologize yourself. But please tell me if you don’t feel well.’ I won’t deny it – it feels strange, almost frightening to be touched like this. I’m fighting the instinctive need to try and run away, even though there is no danger. I keep on repeating those words like a mantra in my head. No. Danger. No. Danger. No. Danger. I gulp. For some reason it soothes my mind more when I’m the one touching her. It feels like I at least have a bit of control. Jazlyn kisses me softly on my jaw, then my cheek. She doesn’t hurt me at all, something that really comforts me. And she’s bent on having at least my approval when continuing, My mind and body are contradicting themselves and it’s frustrating me to say the least. I feel her lips on my neck and my breath hitches. My eyes cross close briefly in a moment of what seems to feel like bliss and I feel a sudden gush of warmth flowing to my cheeks. My breath becomes a bit shallower and a new feeling arises. I like being touched there, I conclude and my cheeks heat up. I feel her lips on my chest and instinctively, I curl my arms around her, pulling her closer. I’ve never done this before and I’m confused as to why I am holding her right now. Does it truly feel.. pleasant?
    She looks up in my eyes. The warm, pleasant feeling doesn’t go away. Instead of that, my body reacts to it, making this situation all the worse. What should I do now? My eyes get drawn to her neck and I softly brush yet again the hair away.
    ‘If I may…’ I whisper before softly kissing her neck in turn. I feel her shoulders – the soft skin under my hands – and my fingers dart out to touch her collar bone. ‘Your skin is so soft,’ I murmur thoughtlessly, getting more and more lost in the moment. No danger. And it slowly, surely begins to feel safe. I’m strangely content with the situation, even though the voice telling me to run as fast as I can never completely leaves me.
    I place a line of kisses from the crook of her neck to the lobe of her ear. I genuinely hope that she’ll enjoy what I’m doing. But she made me the promise to tell me whenever I do something wrong. I wrap an arm around her waist and stroke the skin there softly. From there I slide my hand lower, over her upper thigh down to her knee. I kiss her lips yet again, this time closing my eyes to savor the moment. Her scent is pleasant. It’s sweet. Sweet doesn’t symbolize danger. I get drawn to her neck again as my spare hand touches her belly again, circling around her belly button. When I close in on her neck, I thoughtlessly dart out my tongue and lick the skin softly. Only after this I realize what I’ve done. I remain silent, but there doesn’t seem to come any kind of protest. Maybe she does truly enjoys this. And to be very honest, I am too.
    I stroke her hair softly and look into her eyes. My body is playing tricks on me. It feels like I’m getting… excited.


    No growth of the heart is ever a waste

    Jazz.

    It all starts well, anyway, since he seems to respond to it. Especially when I pressed a kiss in his neck, he seems to like that. His breath hitches and in his eyes I see something like bliss. Now that I know that, I can do that again. And again. He enjoys it and why shouldn’t I give him that satisfaction? I myself consider it enjoying to do with people, and now that there’s finally someone who responds like this, it just makes it all the more fun.
    He is holding me. I feel the warmth of his arms, his body against mine and I gently began to tremble. Wasn’t this what I wanted a moment ago? Now that he did it by himself, it felt strange, as if he had read my thoughts. However I didn’t do anything against it. It truly felt nice, warm and cozy. I could almost hear his heart beating, and he smelled pleasant, charming even. In any case, I can’t remember a man with whom I have ever been that had a very nice scent. Not something that’d stand out for me.
    ‘If I may…’ I nod softly, to right after let out a soft sigh of pleasure, since he began kissing my neck in return. Multiple tingling sensations went through my body, while I hoped he would go on. I could feel his warm touch on my body. ‘Your skin is so soft.’ His warmth heated my body, as I knew my breath started to falter, a bit hoarse. Thoughts were drowned out by the lustful feeling that began to bubble up, inside of me. I suppressed the temptation to work him down, sit on top and place kisses all over his body. Because, well, that wouldn’t be a very smart decision to make now, would it? Although that damn Sho makes it so difficult for me. No, no – resist it! But goddamn, he was all insecure about it, but in the meantime… holy fudge cakes.
    I wasn’t able to suppress it any longer, creating a soft moan that rolled over my lips at one point. Slowly, I hollowed my back, writhed with desire, so my body pressed somewhat against his. He looks into my eyes and for a moment I stare back, but then I decided to handle a thing I really wanted to do now, therefore I lay my hands on his bare chest once again. After that I push him gentle onto his back, a bit playful, to then sit down on his stomach very low, a leg on each side of his waist. It all goes reasonably fast, at least for me. I bend over to him and place a kiss on his collarbone, whereupon I move on to his shoulder, where I put several kisses. With a smile I proceed to his neck, where I place them on purpose alluringly. However, it then changes to very sweet, tender and soft. I do this until I arrive at his jawline, where I place one gentle kiss.
    When I’m done with this, I roll back off of him on my back and at the same time I pull him along with me, so he comes to lie above me. Hopefully he isn’t freaked out now, I kissed his neck and to make it up to him he can have all leading. Sho can dominate me now, if he wants.
    ‘I’m sorry,’ I whisper alluring, still playing the good girl, while my voice is still a tad hoarse. I look to him with sweet, innocent eyes, whilst my hands lie on his shoulders. For one the last time I lean towards him, whereupon I lick his neck lingering, while I feel how my cheeks heat up. I lean back and blink my eyes. ‘You can punish me if you want, Sho, I’ll not do that again.’ I dare to say, but the lust is really starting to overtake me. Still, if he wants to stop now… I kinda get it. Although it’d be a true shame for not continuing.


    Sho.

    My eyes open widely and I listen to the sound leaving Jazlyn’s mouth. She enjoys it, I conclude as she arches her back, her body pressed to mine. I swallow a lump down my throat, still dancing on the edge of losing myself in bliss or panic in fear. I’ve never, not even once, experienced something like this because I have been afraid. I’ve been afraid all my life and I still am now. My eyes lower a bit – not a single trace about my fear is seen. During the years I’ve become a master at hiding the one thing I’ve truly really feared. I know I must stop being afraid, but for me this kind of fear isn’t something that can be rationalized from my perspective. It’s his fault. He has been the one who’s been haunting me up to this day. Him…
    My eyes snap wide open again as Jazlyn Delaney presses her hands on my chest. I’m overpowered with shock – don’t know what to say or what to do in this situation. I feel vulnerable, left naked out in the open. It doesn’t feel good. I want to go away! Only for a mere second my breath grows erratic and out of control and that is where I regain my composure. I think Jazlyn doesn’t know. She takes her place on my stomach and I look at her. This is the point where I can’t help but touch her legs – they’re equally soft as the rest of her skin. She inches closer and kisses me on my collar bone. I feel the locks of hair brushing against my neck and on my shoulder and I sigh contently. But yet.. yet I’m ashamed to let any kind of sounds out that show that an ever growing part of me is enjoying this. Anywhere near my neck has always been a sensitive spot. I shiver as Jazlyn kisses me on my shoulder and instinctively wrap my arms around her, as if I’m afraid that she’s stop right now. My mind is becoming a bit hazy… it’s never been like this, not even once. Is pleasure overriding my fear?
    ‘Hnn.’ She kisses my neck yet again and this time, this time I couldn’t stop a little moan, barely audible from leaving my throat. She doesn’t stop. Oh god.. I’m… what is…? This isn’t good. If I don’t watch out, I’m losing it. She stops kissing my neck and proceeds to my jawline. I still feel the locks of hair brushing against my neck and chest. And her lips… those soft lips…
    She’s obviously more accustomed to doing this than I am. She now falls back on the bed and pulls me with her. I now hover over her and for an instance I’m left with insecurity on what to do next. My eyes slide over her body and I swallow a lump down my throat. Yes, she is very exciting to look at. I praise the lord that she can’t guess what I’m thinking.
    ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispers and I can’t hide my shock. ‘Sorry?’ I repeat, surprised. Her hands are still on my shoulders. ‘Sorry for what?’ She doesn’t answer, but leans forward and before I can say or do anything, she licks my neck. A soft moan escapes my lips, but I immediately shut up, ashamed of the sound.
    ‘Jazlyn…’ I whisper with half-lidded eyes, but she falls back on the bed again. ‘You can punish me if you want Sho, I’ll not do it again.’
    I get an involuntary blush. Her eyes are tickling me. ‘I…’ I gulp. ‘Why would I- I mean.. it felt.. good,’ I admit and it isn’t even a lie. I inch closer to her and stroke her skin. I’ve never been conscious of the fact that a woman’s skin can feel so soft before. I take her hand and kiss it tenderly, before proceeding to her collar bone. I swipe it softly with my tongue and hold her shoulder with my hand. The goose bumps are again appearing, giving me a slightly victorious feeling I can’t help. I brush away the hair near her neck and softly nip at the lobe of her ear before kissing her on the mouth. My hand slides down her shoulder, over her arm and strokes softly her side. The look in her eyes has changed into an emotion I can clearly see. Despite that I’m surprised that she’s soft and gentle to me.
    This time it isn’t just my body betraying me. Even my mind is getting more and more content with the situation as it is. There really is no danger. I lower myself so that I’m just below her chest. We make brief eye contact before I once again trust on my instinct as we continue. I place a line of soft kisses on her belly from just below her bra to her belly button. I boldly circle my tongue around it and watch fascinated how the goose bumps appear again. It’s… wonderful. I lift myself up again and slide an arm around her.
    ‘Thank you,’ I say. ‘For making me feel safe right now.’ Maybe I’ve said too much. Then why… why do I feel so at ease right now?


    No growth of the heart is ever a waste